(Author Note: Keep in mind this is my opinion only. You ARE allowed to accept/reject at will, per usual.)
Lately, I’ve come across blogs discussing what one would call consensual nonconsent. Before I get into what I think of this, I’m going to let my (sometimes.) good friend Wikipedia explain what it is for when someone happens across this post and doesn’t know what in the hell I’m talking about:
Consensual non-consent
Consensual non-consent is a agreement to be able to act as if consent has been waived. It is an agreement that blanket consent will be given in advance, with the intent of it being irrevocable under most circumstances. This often occurs without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is considered a show of extreme trust and understanding. It is highly controversial within BDSM circles, even generally frowned upon due to concerns about abuse and safety. It is generally limited to those in Owner/property and 24/7 Master/slave relationships,
Some people use the phrase to indicate rape play. This usage is mainly limited to a sub-segment of the BDSM blogosphere. Experienced practitioners of BDSM generally discourage others from using “consensual non-consent” to indicate rape play. It is a miscommunication that could lead to serious and irreparable psychological harm.
(source: Wikipedia article)
Now that I’ve gotten some light shed on this particular part of BDSM that some choose to practice, I’ll give you what I think of it.
I’m in a 24/7 Master/submissive (or Dom/sub, whichever you choose.) relationship, and this is something that will probably not be brought into my dynamic.
The biggest thing that seems to swirl around consensual nonconsent, and is also the biggest thing that I cannot seem to wrap my brain around is the ability to dissolve/end the relationship is ultimately taken out of the s-type’s hands should the relationship take a divebomb and have absolutely no way to reaching an agreement to resolve differences.
The s-type would have to ask the D-type for permission to either dissolve/leave the relationship and because of consensual nonconsent, the D-type has the ability to tell the s-type ‘no.’
One blogger stated that they would ‘fight it out until an agreement was made’
Another blogger has stated that their s-type would rather commit suicide than move on to another relationship should theirs ever dissolve, they are ‘loved too much’.
What I really feel is, at the end of the day, you are still human and still have decision-making thought processes no matter how ‘objectified’ you turn out to be in your relationship. So if your decision is wanting to leave, by all means, you should be allowed to do so.
Some have said, ‘My s-type is free to leave at any time, but why would they want to?’
Maybe because you’re being a complete asshole and the differences you have cannot be resolved without fighting?
Arguments happen, I understand that wholeheartedly. But, when it comes to an argument that it is so blown to pieces, why would one want to deal with something like that?
Maybe one needs a break to process their thoughts, and then go back to the table to discuss as equals and with CALMNESS!
So, while I’m not trying to rag on someone else’s choices in their D/s relationship, I’m just saying that it isn’t something that will be brought into my dynamic.
If you feel you need to give up your right to leave the relationship, all the power to you. Whatever rocks your canoe!
I’ll guess I’ll never really fully understand it, though.
(a.k.a. that thing that keeps your relationship going.)
